-Wednesday, October 22, 2008-7:14 AM Y
I don’t really get it.
What’s wrong with Jrock, VK and Oshare Kei?
My mates from cultural division 「文化」in NP’s日本人翼クラブseem to think that people who like to listen to these type of songs and are like interested in cosplay are kinda like people who are like…totally a different category.
Kinda make me feel that if I wasn’t like who I am (torn in between Jpop and Jrock), they wouldn’t wanna mix with me or something.
Yeah, there’s this trend that I noticed from long ago that the people from the cultural division doesn’t listen to Japanese subculture songs like Jrock, VK and Oshare Kei. They listen to those “always-seem-to-be-happy” type of Jpop songs. If you were to ask them about gazette or alice nine…they would have no idea what you are spouting. LOL.
Oh yeah, they fangirl A LOT! I fangirl too, I must admit. But not until that extent to scream so loudly in the canteen and attract stares from people. Yeah, that’s what happened earlier this week. 2 mates were fangirling so much, people stared a lot at them. And I feel kinda weird sitting in between the giggling girls…kinda out of place, you see.
I was like just watching some PVs too but I wasn’t like screaming til that extent! Then I switched to Jrock…the gazette’s song, SGD. To me, the PV itself is cool but to them who saw what I was watching …. They were kinda like bored to death. LOL!! They just don’t know how to appreciate good bands like gazette.
The cosplay division, on the other hand, listen to a lot of subculture songs. Everytime you step in the classroom where we have meetings, there’ll always be people headbanging to some totally Jrock songs.
The thing is, I really feel that I belong more to the cosplay division of my club. However, due to certain circumstances I can’t reveal even in my blog here, I can’t continue with cosplay any longer. Really…I think my friends really have a bad impression of me, dropping out at the last minute. Guys, I’m really sorry. Even if I try to make it sound like it’s nothing and I’ve lost interest in cosplay…the fact is, I’m lying to myself and to everyone else.
I’ve never lost interest in it.
I’ve been so into it for quite long time, why would I suddenly just stop? Now a lot of my friends who are expecting to see me around in cosplay events or accompany the to-be cosplayers who happen to be my friends will have the impression that I’m totally a double crosser of some sort. Yes. People like dear Kai, who is expecting me to support the band at events they’re having gigs at..my crazy group of friends from café like Clar, Kaka, Ozora, Ginchy, JJP, shunpo (eeeee~!~!! so cute!! Lols..) and a lot more. Probably now Elston is thinking that I ditched Sulas about her cosplay program. Lol….so many people involved here. Well, on the plus side, my parents are happy that I’m not going to these events any longer. That’s something to be happy about although I’d really wanna go if I had the chance, lol.
If you guys wanna know the real life of mine, look closely at my URL. Forever Fornever. Yeah. Doesn’t really make much sense, especially the fornever (since its not in the dictionary, lol). Nothing in my life is forever. Ever since young, I’ve been facing so many things ALONE. Yes, now I’m alone again. Alone as in, as everyone proceed with what they like to do most..I, on the other hand, have to drop them and be like the black sheep. Too many sacrifices in my life. Sometimes I do feel like breaking down (especially when it involved separating myself from friends…drawing a line between us). Not that I’m demanding to stay on with them or something…it’s just that once we’re close, we’ve got that certain bond (even if it is only for a few hours..we can get along really well already). I miss a lot of people. I’m putting a mask on. In front of people, I say I miss people for a while, then like a few hours or probably a day later, I’ll be like really hyper or something.
That’s the fake me.
It’s just that you guys can’t see that I’m wearing a mask. It’s only visible to myself, and I think if I die, it be probably due to heart problems. I keep too many things in me. Haha. When I share with someone, take Clar for example…he’s a really good friend but I still don’t tell him everything. Just a part of it. I can talk to him about family because he understands it (from what I can see, lol) but I can’t share about family to people who only try to calm me down but don’t understand. *sigh* And yet, I’m mean to him sometimes. Sorry buddy! XD
Ok for the part why I have got a lot to sacrifice. Well, it’s because I’m like that. Lol. Yeah, it’s true. It’s basically like the concept of opportunity cost (you’d understand that term if you studied economics). The next best alternative is forgone. Yeah, so it’s totally like what someone always remind me when I’m slacking or something “You’ve only got 100% for everything, once you put more priority on other things than study, your concentration and ability to focus decrease tremendously”. I agree with that. That’s what I always have in mind.
Everything is under 100%.
It’s the way I organize myself that makes a huge difference. So, now I’d prefer to call ‘sacrifice’ opportunity cost. If I want to succeed in education and get a high-pay job (yeahh for my qualification now..not much, $9 per hour) and be respected for being a knowledgable person in studies than in entertainment, I’d better scrap off what I like to do. What I have to do is much MORE important than what I like to do. Seeing that a lot of my friends are kinda left out in this, I must progress further and further til I reach the peak where I’m stable enough to maintain everything by myself.
Right now, what’s left of entertainment is Japanese cultural (club and fests).
I might probably have to get rid of that if it distracts me too much. It’s unavoidable. I’m alone, so I have to be able to manage things well. Other people have siblings or relatives to turn to. In this world, the only people I can really turn to is my parents. 2 very important people. Yes, I’ve no siblings and my relatives hate us for being who we are and being different from them. Friends? Let’s see…Malay (or rather, muslim) friends will flip and hate me if they know the real thing about me. Chinese friends are OK but once they have their own responsibilities or commitments, the relationship tend to fall apart. Others (Japanese ect)…they are nice people but it’s hard cos well, Japan is very far from Singapore afterall! LOL. People like Ryo, he can really be a good friend but its sad because he is Japan. ｢悲｣ and was in Singapore only a short while. Hiroki-senpai is like totally not coming back to Singapore and will only come back occasionally. Oh well… lol.
Once I finish my course of study in poly and get a diploma, I am always told by a lot of people (lecturers, tutors, parents) that I can already hold an executive or management position at workplace because of my course and I believe it is quite true, seeing that my modules are very special for some reason XD. Yeah, while the other students work in groups and do presentations as a group and oh yeah! Wth! They can look at screen and they can even have script with them!! For us, our presentations are individual and well, it is our exam! LOL!! Yeah, we use laptop for exams like DSS and we have to dress up for presentations like we’re really gonna persuade investors to invest in our companies, ect. Yup! We also have modules that sound so posh like Business Etiqutte (like how to dine with refined poise and elegance during business lunch), handy modules such as Economics (our econs are separated in the 2 semesters so as not to cram everything in one sem) and Business Law, where we study both criminal and civil law (we focus more on civil law though) like the breach of contract/trust, tort of negligence and we learn the various courts like the different subordinate courts, high courts and supreme court.
Ok Ok, I shall end here for now.
If not, I’m never starting on my accounts tutorial on internal control. Soooo, that’s all for today… a rainy day, lol.
Shrouded by Rainy Memories